What Next?

A lot of you have been asking me what my next steps in life will be.  That's a pretty substantial question and I don't know if I really have a very substantial answer, at least not yet.

I'm looking forward to a bit of rest and relaxation in the coming months.  I arrive home the evening of Friday, November 16th and I'll be staying with my family throughout the holidays.  In early December I'll be visiting Denver and in January I will (most likely) be visiting other family and friends.  Come February(ish), I'll travel to South East Asia for a little beach recovery after Peace Corps.

One of the most common questions asked to me in these ending weeks by Azerbaijanis is what work I'll do in America.  Here's the answer: I don't know.  I will start networking and putting feelers out pretty quickly upon getting back.  I'm excited to begin working again (for money) and I'd like to get back into tech or training and further develop my app business.  A main goal of 2013 will be to get my Yoga Teacher Training and I would eventually like to be earning income from teaching yoga.

At this point, its hard to say exactly where I'll be living once I actually put my name on a lease.  Obviously, work will have a more-than-slight impact on this decision, but currently my eyes are directed towards Portland.  Just to make sure that previous sentence isn't misinterpreted, I'm not saying I am moving to Portland, but I'm certainly looking into it.

One of my very first projects in the US will be to get a phone and I'll make sure to send out all my updated contact information.  Thanks so much for all your thoughts and support.

Azerbaijan, You Will Be Missed

Bye Ilhem and Heydar, I'll miss seeing you all over the place.

Today is my last day in Khachmaz, and tomorrow I will heading to Baku for the last time.  On November 16th, only 5 days away, I'll be flying from Baku to Dallas, after successfully completing two years of Peace Corps service.  There are a lot of emotions going on right now, a bit of fear, a bit of sadness, some giddiness, and some relief.  But mostly there is an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction; the kind that only comes upon the successful accomplishment of a large and long project.

I'd like to share some things that I will especially miss in Azerbaijan.  Writing this now feels a little strange, I'm too close to Azerbaijan at this moment to truly know what it is I will recall in the coming years.  I know I'll be happy about it, but those aspects I take away from the Azerbaijani culture and the many Azerbaijanis who I've shared my 2 years with will probably change as the weeks and months go by.  But as I ready myself to depart and reflect on what has been, this is what comes to my mind now.

I will miss is the guesting experience.  Guesting is a strong tradition in Azerbaijan and the best way to experience its culture.  More than a dinner party, guesting is like a feast held in your honor.   There are multiple courses brought out and the table is overwhelmed with food.  It is rarely possible for a group of people to finish the food set before them; indeed if that was the case it would indicate that the host didn't prepare enough.  I really enjoyed going to my friends' houses knowing that I would be feasted, as if a new thanksgiving was only a phone call away.

I enjoyed the sense of community in Azerbaijan.  This cut both ways, and to an American who is used to anonymity, this can be maddening.  But more frequently Azerbaijan shows itself closer to the ideal neighborhood that families hope for in America.  Your community is involved in your life, and ensures you are never simply a face in the crowd.  You are their brother's friend, or daughter's teacher, or the friend of a friend of their brother-in-law.  No matter the degrees of separation between two people meeting each other, a chain of connections is found to form a relationship.

I will miss the sense of time here.  Already I can foresee the days in my life when I wish I could be back in Azerbaijan and have the ability to enjoy space in my day, rather than meeting planned upon meeting.  I like the fact that time is given to complete a task, rather than finishing a task based upon an arbitrary deadline.  Oftentimes this means far more socializing and relationship building, and sometimes it even results in never finishing the task, but it strengthen bonds and passes the time enjoyably.

Khachmaz has been very welcoming to me, and I will miss that.  Once I go back to the US I will simply be another American, but here in Khachmaz-I'm a big deal.  I will miss making the assumption that everyone recognizes me and probably wants to know me.  I will miss the fact that I can more easily initiate conversation here because, most likely, they have been wanting to talk with me for a long time.  I will miss the fact that me entering into a teahouse, or a wedding, or a shop can be quite the event and people are excited to learn my name and want me to come back.  This is a bit self-absorbed, but its nice to feel a little famous and special in a community, its nice to be the coolest kid in school.

Two years is a long time and I've documented it on a weekly basis.  Contained in these archives are posts that brim with excitement, struggle with anxiety, and, at times, grapple with frustration.  This is life.  But overwhelmingly I am pleased with what I accomplished in the last two years and grateful to those Azerbaijanis who have been a part of my life.  I will not forget those friends I've made nor my time here.

(Many of you have been asking about what is next-a huge, but reasonable, question.  I appreciate your interest and plan on sending an update later this week.)

2 Years Of Posts Part 5: Keeping Perspective On What Was Accopmlished

This is the 5th and final part in a series looking back on two years of blog posts in Azerbaijan.  Check out the entire set of posts; Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Who's having a good time?

Thoughts On A Second Year, Posted July 15th, 2012

And as dramatically as enthusiasm may fall in the first year, confidence builds in the second year.  Almost everything I do or think about now, is accompanied by the though 'I'm so glad I'm in my second year'.  Second year volunteers have a level of confidence and competence that simply are not possible first year.  I've put in my time, paid my dues, and finally the azerbaijani cultural monkey is off my back.  I can sit at ease at dinner knowing how to toast, how to eat my rice, how to eat bosbosh.  I'm no longer looking for visual cues in this culture but I can move relatively effortlessly within it.

This post refers to a mantra that was oft repeated in the second year; 'I'm so glad I'm in my second year'. I didn't repeat this for comfort or stability, it wasn't a consciously called up thought-it simply came to the forefront of my mind during various daily activities.  They could be as mundane as heading to school or brushing my teeth, or it might arise during something more significant like traveling to another region for a training or meeting with the ExCom.  But it was always there, ready to reassure me.

I don't really think that as much at this point.  I'm too close to leaving to be comparing my current year to my first year.  For the past month, most of my thoughts have been focused on how glad I am to get out of this country and culture.  Right now, November 15th doesn't just mark a date of achievement, it also marks a jailbreak, an escape from a culture that has been a great source of frustration and exacerbation.

In these last few weeks I've actually become resentful towards Azerbaijan for standing in between me and getting home.  Its not really fair and its also to be expected-its been a long two years, and though they've been two really good and productive years, they have also been two difficult and unfamiliar years.  This was a great post for me to reread as I do those final preparations that only occur when you are mere days away from making a big move.

It was nice to be reminded that what I'm feeling now isn't the theme of my service, and probably won't be the feelings that will be called up as I look back upon my service once back in America.  Just because I'm mentally ready to leave now doesn't mean that I've been ready to leave for the entire duration of my service.  Rather, I'll recall the confidence I felt when navigating this culture, and the hard won ease I felt living in Azerbaijan.

And that will be incredibly satisfying.

2 Years Of Posts, Part 4: Solving Problems In Azerbaijan

I just can't take it anymore! Get me out of here!

This is Part 4 in a series looking back on two years of blog posts in Azerbaijan.  Make sure you check out Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

How To Get Your Internet Working in Azerbaijan, Posted April 9th 2012

We are now at a point beyond telephones, and come Monday I head over to the internet office myself to try and get thigns done.  The man at the window says I need to speak with Rasim and calls him to ask where he is (because, of course, he's not in the office).  Rasim says he'll be there at 5.  At 5 I head back to the office, the friendly man asks if Rasim is here.  I say 'he said he'll be here'.  He laughs and says 'Rasim always says he'll be here'. 

I've worked in technical support before (basically, every position in Apple retail, at one time or another, becomes technical support) and one of the most important steps is to troubleshoot the simplest solution to a problem first.  Its a massive waste of everyone's time to assume you need to swap out a broken computer when it turns out they simply didn't know how to turn it on.

There are so many aspects of this story that typify some of my least favorite experiences living in Azerbaijan.  The absolute lack in customer service is ever present here.  The unwillingness to expend anything beyond the absolute minimal level of effort is also commonly seen.  Constant cycles of pushing things back to the next day and day after that, again and again and again.  Making up answers to problems rather than admitting that you don't know what's going on.  Its all here in the story of getting my internet fixed.

It isn't a bitter PCV writing these reflections-these are all true to life and you would probably receive similar answers from most Americans who have spent time in Azerbaijan.  Simply put, there is a massive difference in priorities between the two cultures and what is simply accepted as standard operating procedure here would be considered mind-blowingly rude in America.

I reflect on this often in my last months of Peace Corps and even after two years I struggle with it.  Waiting in line, giving honest answers, privacy-these are all things that are so deeply ingrained in the culture of America that I didn't even realize they were ingrained.  But living in Azerbaijan and experiencing the exact opposite of these things on a weekly, if not daily, basis is a jolt-even after all the time I've spent here.

What makes it even more difficult is its not rude here.  I mean, I certainly perceive it as rude, but no one else does.  This incongruence between expectations is exhausting and frustrating and its one of the biggest reasons I'm excited to get back to my cultural homeland.  At the same time, I do appreciate the experience of being exposed to those subconsciously held assumptions about the way people should act, and learning that, just because it is thought necessary in America, doesn't mean it is thought to be necessary the world over.