As One Journey Begins, Another Ends

Recently I had dinner with an old friend.  I hadn't seen him in 5 years and it was great to catch up and reminisce over fantastic nights that probably should have ended hours earlier and other Boulder stories.  I felt he was in a somewhat similar mental space as I am right now, excited and filled with enthusiasm for moldable an unknown future can be.

We talked a lot about what we had been doing and where our lives might take us.  One phrase often repeated was 'Why wouldn't this work!?'.  I really liked the mentality this question presses into you; 'What could possibly stop us from doing exactly what we want to do?'.  Its a question that helps one stay positive and optimistic about what the future may become.

I'd like to thank all of you for reading my emails and posts these past 2+ years.  To know that there were people back home interested in, and proud of, what I was doing was a continually comforting thought.

Now that I'm back from Peace Corps I've decided to conclude these semi-weekly emails.  However, I will continue to document my life adventures on a regular basis on my blog, joshehr.com.  If you would like, you can also sign up to receive email updates from that site (or email me back and I'll do it for you).  I hope it will be worth checking out, this will be a big year-traveling through SE Asia, releasing new products, and more.  I tell you what i tell myself: it will be good!

Additionally, if we're not already connected on LinkedIn please send me an invitation.  And if you feel so moved to endorse me I would greatly appreciate it as I begin my job search.  Connect with me on LinkedIn HERE.

Finally, I'm really excited to announce my second iPhone app, Tap Timer; a simple to use Timer that completely one-ups what comes standard on your magical glowing iOS device.  Tap to start it, tap to stop it, hold to edit it; run multiple timers at once, name them and choose from your iTunes for an alarm.  Check it out HERE.  (And if you missed it, check out Top 3 HERE)

Thanks for all the support over the years and thanks so much for reading what I've put out there and I hope I can continue to catch up with you on the blog.

Azerbaijan, You Will Be Missed

Bye Ilhem and Heydar, I'll miss seeing you all over the place.

Today is my last day in Khachmaz, and tomorrow I will heading to Baku for the last time.  On November 16th, only 5 days away, I'll be flying from Baku to Dallas, after successfully completing two years of Peace Corps service.  There are a lot of emotions going on right now, a bit of fear, a bit of sadness, some giddiness, and some relief.  But mostly there is an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction; the kind that only comes upon the successful accomplishment of a large and long project.

I'd like to share some things that I will especially miss in Azerbaijan.  Writing this now feels a little strange, I'm too close to Azerbaijan at this moment to truly know what it is I will recall in the coming years.  I know I'll be happy about it, but those aspects I take away from the Azerbaijani culture and the many Azerbaijanis who I've shared my 2 years with will probably change as the weeks and months go by.  But as I ready myself to depart and reflect on what has been, this is what comes to my mind now.

I will miss is the guesting experience.  Guesting is a strong tradition in Azerbaijan and the best way to experience its culture.  More than a dinner party, guesting is like a feast held in your honor.   There are multiple courses brought out and the table is overwhelmed with food.  It is rarely possible for a group of people to finish the food set before them; indeed if that was the case it would indicate that the host didn't prepare enough.  I really enjoyed going to my friends' houses knowing that I would be feasted, as if a new thanksgiving was only a phone call away.

I enjoyed the sense of community in Azerbaijan.  This cut both ways, and to an American who is used to anonymity, this can be maddening.  But more frequently Azerbaijan shows itself closer to the ideal neighborhood that families hope for in America.  Your community is involved in your life, and ensures you are never simply a face in the crowd.  You are their brother's friend, or daughter's teacher, or the friend of a friend of their brother-in-law.  No matter the degrees of separation between two people meeting each other, a chain of connections is found to form a relationship.

I will miss the sense of time here.  Already I can foresee the days in my life when I wish I could be back in Azerbaijan and have the ability to enjoy space in my day, rather than meeting planned upon meeting.  I like the fact that time is given to complete a task, rather than finishing a task based upon an arbitrary deadline.  Oftentimes this means far more socializing and relationship building, and sometimes it even results in never finishing the task, but it strengthen bonds and passes the time enjoyably.

Khachmaz has been very welcoming to me, and I will miss that.  Once I go back to the US I will simply be another American, but here in Khachmaz-I'm a big deal.  I will miss making the assumption that everyone recognizes me and probably wants to know me.  I will miss the fact that I can more easily initiate conversation here because, most likely, they have been wanting to talk with me for a long time.  I will miss the fact that me entering into a teahouse, or a wedding, or a shop can be quite the event and people are excited to learn my name and want me to come back.  This is a bit self-absorbed, but its nice to feel a little famous and special in a community, its nice to be the coolest kid in school.

Two years is a long time and I've documented it on a weekly basis.  Contained in these archives are posts that brim with excitement, struggle with anxiety, and, at times, grapple with frustration.  This is life.  But overwhelmingly I am pleased with what I accomplished in the last two years and grateful to those Azerbaijanis who have been a part of my life.  I will not forget those friends I've made nor my time here.

(Many of you have been asking about what is next-a huge, but reasonable, question.  I appreciate your interest and plan on sending an update later this week.)

2 Years Of Posts Part 5: Keeping Perspective On What Was Accopmlished

This is the 5th and final part in a series looking back on two years of blog posts in Azerbaijan.  Check out the entire set of posts; Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Who's having a good time?

Thoughts On A Second Year, Posted July 15th, 2012

And as dramatically as enthusiasm may fall in the first year, confidence builds in the second year.  Almost everything I do or think about now, is accompanied by the though 'I'm so glad I'm in my second year'.  Second year volunteers have a level of confidence and competence that simply are not possible first year.  I've put in my time, paid my dues, and finally the azerbaijani cultural monkey is off my back.  I can sit at ease at dinner knowing how to toast, how to eat my rice, how to eat bosbosh.  I'm no longer looking for visual cues in this culture but I can move relatively effortlessly within it.

This post refers to a mantra that was oft repeated in the second year; 'I'm so glad I'm in my second year'. I didn't repeat this for comfort or stability, it wasn't a consciously called up thought-it simply came to the forefront of my mind during various daily activities.  They could be as mundane as heading to school or brushing my teeth, or it might arise during something more significant like traveling to another region for a training or meeting with the ExCom.  But it was always there, ready to reassure me.

I don't really think that as much at this point.  I'm too close to leaving to be comparing my current year to my first year.  For the past month, most of my thoughts have been focused on how glad I am to get out of this country and culture.  Right now, November 15th doesn't just mark a date of achievement, it also marks a jailbreak, an escape from a culture that has been a great source of frustration and exacerbation.

In these last few weeks I've actually become resentful towards Azerbaijan for standing in between me and getting home.  Its not really fair and its also to be expected-its been a long two years, and though they've been two really good and productive years, they have also been two difficult and unfamiliar years.  This was a great post for me to reread as I do those final preparations that only occur when you are mere days away from making a big move.

It was nice to be reminded that what I'm feeling now isn't the theme of my service, and probably won't be the feelings that will be called up as I look back upon my service once back in America.  Just because I'm mentally ready to leave now doesn't mean that I've been ready to leave for the entire duration of my service.  Rather, I'll recall the confidence I felt when navigating this culture, and the hard won ease I felt living in Azerbaijan.

And that will be incredibly satisfying.

2 Years Of Posts, Part 4: Solving Problems In Azerbaijan

I just can't take it anymore! Get me out of here!

This is Part 4 in a series looking back on two years of blog posts in Azerbaijan.  Make sure you check out Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

How To Get Your Internet Working in Azerbaijan, Posted April 9th 2012

We are now at a point beyond telephones, and come Monday I head over to the internet office myself to try and get thigns done.  The man at the window says I need to speak with Rasim and calls him to ask where he is (because, of course, he's not in the office).  Rasim says he'll be there at 5.  At 5 I head back to the office, the friendly man asks if Rasim is here.  I say 'he said he'll be here'.  He laughs and says 'Rasim always says he'll be here'. 

I've worked in technical support before (basically, every position in Apple retail, at one time or another, becomes technical support) and one of the most important steps is to troubleshoot the simplest solution to a problem first.  Its a massive waste of everyone's time to assume you need to swap out a broken computer when it turns out they simply didn't know how to turn it on.

There are so many aspects of this story that typify some of my least favorite experiences living in Azerbaijan.  The absolute lack in customer service is ever present here.  The unwillingness to expend anything beyond the absolute minimal level of effort is also commonly seen.  Constant cycles of pushing things back to the next day and day after that, again and again and again.  Making up answers to problems rather than admitting that you don't know what's going on.  Its all here in the story of getting my internet fixed.

It isn't a bitter PCV writing these reflections-these are all true to life and you would probably receive similar answers from most Americans who have spent time in Azerbaijan.  Simply put, there is a massive difference in priorities between the two cultures and what is simply accepted as standard operating procedure here would be considered mind-blowingly rude in America.

I reflect on this often in my last months of Peace Corps and even after two years I struggle with it.  Waiting in line, giving honest answers, privacy-these are all things that are so deeply ingrained in the culture of America that I didn't even realize they were ingrained.  But living in Azerbaijan and experiencing the exact opposite of these things on a weekly, if not daily, basis is a jolt-even after all the time I've spent here.

What makes it even more difficult is its not rude here.  I mean, I certainly perceive it as rude, but no one else does.  This incongruence between expectations is exhausting and frustrating and its one of the biggest reasons I'm excited to get back to my cultural homeland.  At the same time, I do appreciate the experience of being exposed to those subconsciously held assumptions about the way people should act, and learning that, just because it is thought necessary in America, doesn't mean it is thought to be necessary the world over.

Family Away From Family

We're 'jumping for joy' that we got to be together

Last week seemed was filled with the monotony of making plans and waiting, this week was filled with those events that heralded the end of service.  I guested on Monday and Thursday with families who have welcomed us Americans into their lives and hearts and I benefited from a couple days off from school due to an early Gurban Bayram, a Muslim holiday celebrating Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son in loyalty to God.

But what made this week significant was our final North Finger get together, the first event celebrating COS that I have been looking forward to for months.  I feel incredible lucky to be placed in the site I was placed for a variety of reasons; wonderful counterparts, a great school, a (relatively) progressive city.  But the largest reason was due to the other Americans that were placed here with me.

We had a large number of PCVs from my class of volunteers come up here, and the eleven of us (plus 2 more AZ9s) have really become quite a family.  Whereas many other areas of Azerbaijan will find volunteers in petty drama or getting together blackout drinking fests, the North Finger crew has established a reputation for being totally awesome because we all simply like each other.

We've celebrated our holidays together, hosting massive Christmas feasts and 4th of July celebrations.  We planned our camps together and played each other's baseball teams.  We've held potlucks and even have gotten together every Sunday to do yoga together.  Our area was extremely close with one another and really exemplified what it is like to have a family away from family.

The North Finger is isolated from the rest of the country, due to the Greater Caucuses, we have to go through Baku to go anywhere else, which means we're always 2 hours further away.  But we really made a community for ourselves here.  I always felt a twinge of pride when I would hear from other volunteers how envious they were of us in the North Finger.  We didn't just hang out together, we really really liked hanging out with each other.

So this past Saturday we began to say our goodbyes.  We had one last massive pot-luck featuring a beautiful Azerbaijani-flag colored red velvet cake.  Joey and Hillary from nearby Guba planned a hilarious version of the Newlywed game, where we were paired up with our site-spouses.  Lannea handed out a mix cd that was compiled by each of us choosing a track.  It may sound a little dorky, but its pretty typical of the North Finger and exactly why I loved living here so so much.

On Sunday, we all went down to the stadium to play the last game of baseball against the Khachmaz Maximum, this time with amazing shirts provided by Kelsey's sorority.  The Americans got creamed, and everyone was impressed with how much the Khachmaz Maximum had improved.  Me? I was just so happy that I had so many friends nearby willing to field a team.

Glendene, Lannea, and Kelsey; Michael, Corina, Hillary and Joey; Mercedes, Dai, JM, Kiersten, and Saneou-my service was made so much better by your involvement in it.

2 Years of Posts, Part 3: Serving Oneself While Serving Others

You really have to choose your own path for service.

This is the third installment of my reflection of two years of posts, check out my first reflection HERE and the second one HERE.

Sometimes Service Means Sleeping In, posted October 30th 2011

Service, in any context, is always so 'other' focused, that to drop this focus for a moment can feel selfish and hypocritical, but service, to distinguish itself from slavery or employment, must contain personal joy and commitment in it.  Otherwise, it would be more akin to self-indentured servitude.  Ideally the results of my service will be owned by my community, but the service itself, well that's mine and, when it comes down to the final moments, it is controlled by me.  And if I see that a change needs to take place in it to make me feel happier, healthier, or more productive, then that is a choice I have the privilege to make.

During my two years of Peace Corps Service, I've had two big 'ah-ha'  moments regarding the nature of this 2 year service commitment.  The first one, lucky for me, was during Pre Service Training, when a volunteer shared her rule that she would only work as much as her community member were was willing to.

Her perspective was that we are here to supplement what can be done, and if we do something by ourselves, without any community member involvement, there would be no lasting benefit.  There must be effort from participating community members, whether through learning or executing other aspects of the project, in every project

This was a blessing to hear early on in service and it is this that really focused me on doing projects that had a sustainable component to it rather than a simple one-off event.  My second 'ah-ha' moment is the other side of the first lesson's coin when I realized, on a cold October morning, that the idea of 'my service' was actually speaking to an ownership of my entire experience here.

More than just choosing what I was interested in and avoiding blindly doing what others told me to do, 'my service' meant that I was the ultimate authority on what needed to be done.  'My service' was my own and controlled and grown and fed by me, and it would be me who determined what was right or necessary or most important each day of my service.  

It wasn't 'bad service' to take an extra day off on the last day of an illness, nor was it 'bad service' to decline a guesting invitation in favor of a skype date with America.  At various times over these two years these two decisions were made and it would have benefited no one; not me, not my friends, not my community, if I had guilted myself into choosing another route.

This perspective has also helped me understand volunteerism in a different way.  Often volunteerism conjures up settings of disaster areas, refugee camps, or soup kitchens.  These are areas where service is needing and thankfully there are many awesome people doing many amazing things here.

But for me personally, well, I don't get excited about that form of service.  I want to continue volunteering once I am settled in America again, but I want to volunteer in settings like art museums, libraries, and radio stations.  Service is also needed here and it is here where I know I will be most satisfied by 'my service' and thus do my best work.

Waiting to Prepare

Before you can build it, you've got to have all the important tools and pieces.

The weeks continue on.  I'm acutely aware of the fact that most of my emails probably come off as redundant.  Similar to the 'its so cold' broken record in January and February there really is very little happening now, other than waiting to prepare to leave Azerbaijan.

And that's the rub.  I'm four weeks out, but still not near enough to prepare to leave Azerbaijan; its just a matter of waiting, waiting for only two remaining weeks or ten remaining days before beginning the process of actually packing up.  Though there is enough desire to go home to fill an entire year, there really isn't more than a week's worth of work to do in order to be fully ready to leave the country.

Admittedly, this is only true from an extremely selfish perspective-there is still a lot of guesting to do.  Its especially important to do these last few guestings before a PCV leaves because, no matter what you've done in your service, if you fail to say goodbye appropriate your two years of work vanish and your simple thought of as rude.  But its not too much of a hassle, usually its with good food and established friends.

So these waiting weeks have seen a lot of guesting being scheduled, to make sure i hit everyone.  To Lannea's counterpart's house, to my methodologist's, to a welcoming family we've had contact with.  Final dinners with fellow volunteers, and time schedule in Baku to catch up with friends who have moved to the capital.  There's actually a lot to do in the next four weeks.

It feels good to get rid of a shirt that never truly got clean enough from hand washing or the shoes that have multiple holes in them.  It doesn't feel as good to say goodbye to the Azeri who provided the space for my first conversation club or my friend only a few months before his wedding.  And though it doesn't feel as cathartic, it is certainly more important.

2 Years of Posts, Part 2: Sometimes The World Should Be Black And White

This is the 'Hard Questions' Seat

Reflecting on two years of writing in Azerbaijan continues with a post from the early summer of 2011.  It related the story of a fight my sitemate Glendene got into with a person who was assaulting one of the gypsy children that beg in Khachmaz.

Hard Questions, posted June 8th 2011

This event slapped me in the face with the big difference between saying and doing and the really messy grey in between. I'm a pacifist but can I recognize, and do I have the courage to rise above, the line that separates this from compliance. I consider myself a cultural relativist but I certainly wouldn't want to become a nihilist through laziness of thought and action.

I vividly remember this day and how extreme every one was feeling.  I still laugh at how cluelessly I ambled into the restaurant within 5 minutes of this happening and was nearly pounced on in the effort to relate what had just happened.

More than an observation about Azerbaijan, this was an observation about myself: Could I depend upon myself to do the right thing if it didn't immediately affect me?  I've never really encountered a situation like that before; I'd like to think that when the time comes I will.

Leaving With A Legacy

Just a quick picture before we go

Well, its over.  Service might as well be finished because I can now check off the most significant project I've worked on during my two years here.  Kelly and my Teacher Training Project completed the last training, we've held a meeting with those who may be taking it further, and we're writing up the final report tomorrow.  No more workshops, no more posing with teachers hold certificates, no more receipts to fill out for reimbursement.

This was our big project, our 'tent pole' project as we'd call it.  This was the project of our Peace Corps service (or at least of mine).  Building upon the previous training project we had done, we delivered workshops that trained teachers in Azerbaijan to deliver their own trainings to teachers in their own schools.  Instead of Kelly and I spending our time traveling all over Azerbaijan, we equipped the best teachers throughout the country to hold their own trainings.

I'll admit, it was a gamble.  On paper it sounds good.  'Sustainability,' 'job development,' 'train the trainer'-these are pretty attractive phrases to use in grants.  However, actually getting results in a foreign culture is a completely different matter.  But, results are in and they're pretty good.  From our first two workshops, ten training sessions were held, reaching over 200 teachers.  From the remaining three trainings (which all occurred in the last week), we expect another 8 trainings to be held from those, only increasing the reach of this project.

I've been told that one's legacy doesn't refer as much to what one did, but by what is still being done after one has left.  The motivation for this grant was that Kelly and I wanted to get this information out to teachers in a way that didn't depend on Americans.  Sustainability would only come if Azerbaijanis were responsible for their own development.  I'm really excited to be leaving this project in the shape its in.  Our contribution may be over, but the project is only just beginning.

2 Years of Posts, Part 1: A Love/Hate Relationship

I only have a month left in my service, which means I've been in country for over two years.  And in those two years, I've written 239 blog posts.  Thats a lot of writing about one's service in country.

I've been looking back over what I've written as I look for some closure to a two year chapter of life.  There's some pretty bad writing in there, but there's also some pretty good posts as well.  As I wrap up my two years, I thought it would be fun to post selections from some of my favorite posts written and give a little commentary on them now that I have a year or so of perspective.  I've picked 5 posts and I'll post one a week.

A is for Azerbaijan, B is for Baseball

A is for Azerbaijan, B is for Baseball, posted June 9th, 2011

We approached the field like every sports movie ever made featuring a rag-tag group of kids. And just like every first game played in those movies, we got slaughtered. I mentioned that our team only had about half the rules down. Baseball is an incredibly complicated game and our team just had begun to understand where shortstop stands and which base they'll throw to; we had to save concepts like tagging the base after a fly out or force outs for game two preparation.

In this post I described the very first tournament (and game) for the Khachmaz Maximum.  Baseball was definitely a project I was roped into.  But as time passed I found myself enjoying it more and more.  As a teacher it was rare for me to interact with children in a fun way; a teacher is not played with, a teacher is respected.

Throughout my service I would oscillate between loving and hating baseball.  I knew that I 'enjoyed' it, but it was also a ceaseless pain.  Baseball was the equivalent of a toddler, of course you love it-but that doesn't stop you from wanting to throttle it.  Curiously, my love for baseball depended on how it fit into my day, the more time I had to dread practice the more it annoyed me.  Once practice was switched to 9:30 in the morning, I loved it.

Despite my feelings of love or hate in service, after service I'll remember baseball fondly.  Its an activity that will be easy to talk about with Americans.  What could sound more 'Peace Corps' than teaching kids to play baseball?  Just this week, we received team shirts from Kelsey's sorority; real baseball shirts with Khachmaz Maximum emblazoned on the front, they look amazing and will be an amazing souvenir to take home with me.

Two Years In, Two Months Out

The Plan of Attack

On September 24th I purchased my ticket home to Dallas.  As coincidence would have it, September 24th also marked my two year anniversary in Azerbaijan.  Two years ago, I arrived in Baku with my head as filled as my suitcase with ideas of how I would make a change in this country for the best.  26 months later, on November 16th, I'll be making a 20 hour journey home wondering how permanent those changes might be.

I certainly had big plans.  Recently I came across an Excel spreadsheet that made me cringe.  Written during pre-service training, it very neatly planned out my entire two years of service.  Dividing service into 6 month blocks it highlights the projects I would execute, the community members I would involve, even the life skills I would be teaching.  I didn't even know my community yet.  Its both a cute and embarrassing display of neuroticism and arrogance.

Really, as service closes I'm most enjoying the smaller items, rather than the larger projects.  I'm glad to make those giant checkmarks over things like PSN training or TEDx but I'm happier simply attending lessons and spending time with my teachers.  I certainly look forward to finishing the next to-do, but I look forward to the next dinner at Tamilla's or next game of Nard with Elvin more.

On a different topic, this week I also launched Top 3 Apps, my new iPhone app company.  My first app is a useful daily priority minder called 'Top 3: Track Your Priorities'.  I'm really proud of it and find it to be quite helpful (I use it everyday).  It's free to download and I'd really appreciate you checking it out.  I've been working on this project for a while and I'm excited to finally share it with the world.

Different Thinking At TEDxXaçmaz

A significant portion of my service in Azerbaijan has been focused on developing different types of thinking with Azeris.  I work with teachers at school, encouraging them to take a more student-centric approach in their lessons.  In the teacher trainings Kelly and I have been doing around Azerbaijan, we work with high-level teachers develop secondary skills like presentation skills and agenda setting so that they can begin to share the activities and lessons they've perfected with other teachers in their region.  Or in this year's camp planning, from meeting one I encouraged our camp director to begin developing next year's camp director to take the reins.

Success isn't necessarily guaranteed in this approach, but when success does happen I feel that there is a much greater impact; more than an activity taking place, there is true personal growth.  Sometimes it means the project falls flat.  But other times, it means the community member makes a giant leap forward in their own confidence.  This is my favorite way to work in Peace Corps.

Supporting the idea of thinking in different ways is TED.  For those of you who are not familiar, TED is an annual conference that brings together some of the most interesting and creative people to speak on anything they find inspiring.  Talks range from building robotic birds to fixing state school systems to reforesting deserts to protecting the earth from asteroids.  There are 1000s of them at TED.com.  Furthermore, TED also will license their brand so that you can hold an independently organized TED conference, named TEDx.

A few months my back a friend of mine in Azerbaijan mentioned that he was really getting into TED talks.  In the course of our conversation I brought up how I always thought it would be a cool project to do a TEDx event in Azerbaijan.  Apparently he had the same thought and we set about to investigate what it takes to hold a TED event.  And it turns out, it doesn't take much.  There are certainly a bunch of rules to follow, but in terms of actually executing the event its pretty easy.  Five months pass and this past weekend, TEDxGǝncǝ and TEDxXaçmaz were held.

It was really cool to host a TEDx event.  Almost all of the talks we held in Xaçmaz were prerecorded videos selected from the TED website.  This had the advantage of subtitles and it allowed our event to be in both English and Azerbaijani.  Some friends of mine came and a bunch of girls from Lannea's clubs came and it was wonderful to see eyes widen and gasps of amazement as each talk went on.

TEDxXaçmaz was divided into three categories: Our World's Future, Our Community's Future, and Our Own Future and in each category we had a couple videos.  After each category there was a brief discussion break where people talked about the videos they had just seen and the ideas they had just heard.  The conversation was animated and had a lot of variety, Azerbaijani housewives talking with students,  American PCVs talking with business owners.  It was a small group but they really enjoyed it.

I told Dustin (the PCV I worked with) how appreciative I was to have another driver of this project to help me stay focused.  We're pleased it was well received and both of us have a dorky pride in being able to list 'organized a TEDx' on our resume.  I'm also extremely glad to have had one more chance to work with the Azeris who helped put this together.  My co-organizer was an entrepreneur named Rashad and he really did so much of the work.  He created the logo, managed the facebook group, selected many of the talks, and more.  He mentioned how grateful he was that I helped him through this and I told him I think he had it reversed and really it was he who had done the lion's share of the work.  And then I told him that he better email me when I'm in the states to tell me of his next TEDx event.

Simulate Your Own TEDxXaçmaz

Interested in TEDxXaçmaz but can't travel around the world to attend it!  Well you don't need to.  Check out the program below and catch up with all the intelligencia in Khachmaz.  TEDxXaçmaz will introduce a wide variety of ideas about the future, whether an individual's future life, a communities future existence, or the future for our world.

Our World:

Pranav Mistry: The thrilling potential of SixthSense technology

Phil Plait: How to defend Earth from asteroids

Our Community:

Gordon Brown: Wiring a web for global good

Bunker Roy: Learning from a barefoot movement

Ourselves:

Matt Cutts: Try something new for 30 days

Richard St. John's 8 secrets of success

A Huge Thank You

Illustration by Arif Huseynov

This is a thank you post.  Its long because there is a story to be told with it, and aside from telling it like this it seems the only other appropriate way would be to type 'THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!' a thousand times.

A while back, unbeknownst to me, Emily and Mercedes collected a bit of money from each of you to buy me the best souvenir ever.  A couple weeks ago it was given to me.  Mercedes (especially) likes to tease me about presents and say things like 'You're gonna love it' and 'You're gonna be so excited'.  This is all pretty standard stuff and I'm game to play along, because who doesn't like presents?  But its when she said 'You might even cry' that I couldn't help getting a bit skeptical.

I'm not really liberal with shedding my tears.  Mercedes knows me pretty well, this is a bold statement to make.

So I turn towards Emily looking for a supportive eye roll.  And Emily says 'Actually...you might cry'.

Well, that does it.  I'm now officially clueless.  My mind is racing to think of any gift, let alone one that could be given to me in Azerbaijan, that could make me cry.

Alright, lemme give some background

A while back I was with my friend Glendene at an Ex-pats house who was telling us about an art event she went to.  It was for an artist who had created paintings for various Azerbaijani Fairy Tales.  In fact at this showing she had also purchased a book of the translated fairy tales and corresponding paintings.  Now, I collect fairy tales and myths from around the world (#randomfact), and even before hearing about this specific book I had been trying, with little luck, to find a book of tales from Azerbaijan, in English, as a souvenir.

But this book, this was beyond a simple souvenir.  It is probably the most beautiful book I had ever seen.  Soft leather bound, with gold embossed pages, each page ornately bordered and the illustrations for the tales were truly works of art, unlike any illustration I have ever seen.  In fact, it was so extensive in its detail work that the Azerbaijani government couldn't even find a book binder in Azerbaijan capable to do this-they had to go to Turkey.

I desperately wanted a copy, but I knew from first look I was doomed from the start.  Bookshops around Baku had never heard of this book, it was obviously limited edition, and obviously never, ever intended for mass production.  But little did I know, Glendene had spoken with Emily and Mercedes telling them that if they were looking for an idea for a 'thanks for planning this boat trip stupid!' gift she had a great one.  And apparently they collected money from each of you on the boat.  Alright. I'll now cut to Emily:

...[T]rying to get our hands on a copy, we realized we did not exactly know how to go about tracking it down. Mercedes finally got the number of a “guy” in Baku that we could call. We only knew his name, but didn’t know who he was, if he spoke English, if he sold the book or knew someone who knew someone, etc. So after arguing a bit about who would have to navigate the phone call, I gave it a shot. The conversation went something like this: 

Emily: “Hello, Is this Arif?”
Man: “Allo? Yes?”
Emily: “Hi. Do you speak English?”
Man: “Inglis? Okay.”
Emily: (In her head… “Obviously not.”) Switching to Azeri..
“Hi, I got your number from a friend who said you know that… you can find a book about…. Well I am looking for this book and it is about…. Somebody else is going to call you.” 

Luckily, Mercedes and I did this in the Peace Corps office in Baku with endless sources of the best translators I have had the pleasure of meeting in Azerbaijan. We approached our language coordinator, Afet, explained the whole situation, and she called him back for us. Listening to her end of the conversation, we already knew it wasn’t promising. It turns out, the man we called is actually the illustrator of the fairy tales himself. We figured he was just a bookseller or something. In reality, he was commissioned by the Ministry of Culture and Tourism to illustrate pictures for this book and has his own gallery in Baku. What he relayed to Afet Xanim was that this book was originally sold but now has been taken off the shelves completely. No one is able to buy it and the only way to obtain a copy is to be an International humanitarian aid organization and send a letter on behalf of the agency to the Ministry to request a book. They would review the letter and determine if they would send a copy or two to the organization. Afet Xanim asked maybe four or five times if there was any way at all to buy a copy from the Ministry but the answer remained ‘no.’
Hanging our heads after hearing the news, Mercedes and I had some thinking to do. The good news is that Peace Corps qualifies for the humanitarian organization. The bad news is, it wasn’t guaranteed that Ministry would grant it, and we still had all this money from Josh’s friends. If we didn’t get the book, what were we going to do with the money? Take him out on a night on the town? PayPal seven dollars back to everyone in the States? We decided to see if we could find a replacement on the internet first.  

Then the best news in the world came. While sitting at our Close-of-Service conference on the outskirts of Baku the next day, I received a call from Afet saying the illustrator had called her back. He was touched that we were so intent on getting the book for our friend that he made a few calls out to people, got his hands on the one and only copy available for sale, and would be in Baku the next day if we still wanted to buy it from him. And boy, did we. The problem was, we were at this conference and couldn’t leave, and he was only going to be in the city for one day (because he had to return to his Villa). Afet, who like almost all of our Peace Corps staff is amazingly kind, offered to use her entire lunch break the next day to go to the illustrator and buy the book for us. We sent our money along with a Peace Corps driver who brought it to Afet, who gave up her lunch hour to go on this goose chase for us. She even called to confirm with us that is was okay that we didn’t get a receipt because it was sort of an under-the-table kind of deal.  

The next day when I saw Afet and received the book, I was in shock. It is, by far, the most beautiful book I have ever seen and touched. The illustrations are breath-taking, gorgeous. It is ineffable. It even included a CD-ROM audio recording. Once we actually had it in our own hands, Mercedes and I kept hinting to Josh about his present. We told him he’d love it and he wasn’t going to believe it, but when we told him he might cry when we gave it to him, he started to get skeptical and couldn’t handle the wait any longer. The look on his face was priceless. He didn’t cry, but I think it was the amount of air he sucked in from shock that prevented him from shedding any tears. 

What I love so much about this story is the effort.  I love that this book took effort on behalf of both American and Azeris to acquire; that really adds a layer of meaning to this gift as a souvenir of my Peace Corps Service.  A main goal of Peace Corps is to promote cross-cultural cooperation and understanding and this story of events involved in obtaining this book so perfectly embodies it.  The artist even gave me a book of his work just from that exhibition and invited us to his gallery when we were in Baku.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.  No gift was necessary, the opportunity to see each and all of you together, in the midst of a long two years, was by far the motivating factor to planning this trip.  I couldn't believe my luck that I had 15 amazing friends and family members who committed to doing this.  But I so greatly appreciate the gift you helped get for me and can't wait to show it to you all.

The cover.  The etchings are actual physical depressions in the cover. 

Page detail

Arif Huseynov's beautiful illustrations 

Illustration detail 

Illustration detail

Comfort In The Familiar

Good morning school.

The beginning of school, Knowledge Day, is on September 15th.  And every year in Azerbaijan Knowledge Day has been and will be on the 15th, even if that 15th happens to fall on a Saturday, as it did this year.  The 15th of September is when school will be ceremoniously opened and a silly little weekend day is hardly enough to stop it.

So, just like last year, and many other celebrations throughout my service, I went over to my school and stood facing the center of the courtyard, waiting for the assembly to begin.  Its a cute assembly, all the new little first formers, dressed in their sunday best, boys wearing miniature 3 piece suits, girls with massive pompoms affixed to each pigtail, marched both solemnly and haphazardly, in a way only very young children can do, around.  Poems were recited, the flag was displayed, russian dancers, girls in little chick costumers...wait-I think I've seen this before..

At Knowledge Day, I realized how often I had seen these things before.  The same two students dancing the russian minuet danced it at our holiday party, and at graduation, and at a Novruz celebration.  And the adorable little chick costumers (it really is cute), its the same Azeri children's song sung every single time at every single celebration.  Further looking into this does not disprove the point-there may truly only be one Azeri children's song.

Other times in service I might sardonically reference the absurdity of Azerbaijan.  But I left Knowledge Day feeling happy; happy about the start of school, happy to see teachers after a long summer absence, happy to have lived in this community for 2 years.  There is certainly a bit of seeing everything through rose colored glasses towards the end, but its also an appreciation for the familiar.

My assistant director expressed how much more beautiful I look clean-shaven.  I knew he would love it.  In fact he's the reason I decided to shave for these next two months, that he would get such a kick out of it.

Coming the day before Knowledge Day to watch the poems being prepared.  I don't understand them, but I knew teachers and chosen students would be there, and its a great way to come back to school.

Little concern for the fact that school is starting this week, because its only the first week of school.  The schedule won't be set in stone by the time I leave in November, let alone in the first week.  I can ease into school again.

None of these are things I 'like' about Azerbaijan.  In fact, I might not even actively remember to miss them 5 or 10 years from now.  And that is the bitter of the bittersweet.  Right now I'm at a point where I appreciate them and can even riff off them.  And its sad to know that as time goes on, many of these appreciated moments will probably be the ones that get pushed out of my memory in favor of bigger events and more central actors.

These past three weeks have easily been my busiest weeks of summer.  Between COS conference and medical, PSN training and the Sheki Race.  In three weeks I went to Baku three times, traveled to 3 other regions, and was in Khachmaz for only three nights, non-consecutively.  Coming back to Khachmaz to so quickly go to Knowledge Day was a comfort for the soul, a Grandma Ginnie's Casserole in assembly form.  It was a really nice way to start the new year.

And The Winners Are...

The first Azerbaijani Student Film Festival was held in Baku this past weekend.  This is one of my favorite PCV projects that has happened in Azerbaijan.  I love it because it promotes everything worth promoting in this country-critical thinking, creativity, acting a little differently, etc etc.

The festival itself was incredibly fun.  13 submitted films for the contest and a host of movies made by the Zagatala Movie Club were screened.  Americans and Azeris gasped, laughed, and even cried at what we saw.  Below are my favorites.

3 GÜN - 1st Place Short Narrative
This film was great.  Its fully in Azerbaijani but you can totally follow what's happening.  Stolen goods, honor amongst thieves, double crossing, and the editing and soundtrack keep great pace.  I was pleased to see this take first place its category.



We Want To Live Too - 2nd Place Documentaries
This video has a special space in my heart because it was produced by Naile, a girl in Khachmaz that Lannea and I worked with.  I'm going to warn you now: its pretty graphic.



Crazy Summertime - 1st Place Music Video
This is Azeris making fun of Azeri village people and its hilarious.  Ruslan, the main guy in this video, was the star of the festival.  He's been a key member in the Zagatala Movie Club and is a massive ham.  This movie had PCVs rolling on the floor.



Melek - 3rd Place Documentary
Whoa, this one's emotional.  Its really really well done and it was hard for the Americans in the audience, who have gone so long without seeing their family, to keep from choking up.  Its still difficult for me to watch.



THE-TELL-TALE HEART - 2nd Place Short Narrative
You can't really go wrong with Poe.  This was a very skillfully showing of the Tell-Tale Heart and it has beautiful atmosphere to it.

Is It Time To Say Goodbye Already?

Ominous clouds above the Karavan Saray

Last week was our Closer of Service conference.  It was a bit of a vacation too-a hotel/water park, set amongst bars and dance clubs on the beach.  Here, we reviewed topics that relate to life beyond Peace Corps.  We covered topics such as resume writing and networking, health coverage, and saying goodbye to our community and counterparts-all useful information.

After COS conference I went up with Emily up to Sheki one last time, which is, in my opinion, Azerbaijan's biggest draw.  There are a couple major historical buildings here, and guidebooks consistently mention that if you have time to visit any place in Azerbaijan besides Baku-make the trip up to Sheki.  We specifically went for a touristy weekend, visiting the beautiful Xan Saray, and staying at the extremely old and wonderfully converted Karavan Saray.

And, of course, helped with a Peace Corps project.  While there we helped with Azerbaijan's first destination charity run, a 10K race just outside the city, in the mountains' forest.  The weather was pretty miserable, almost comedic in how much it rained, and many teams arrived from neighboring rayons only to immediately turn around, but even still this race managed to raise close to 700 manat for the newly formed National Girls Club in Azerbaijan.  I imagine next year, (inshallah with nicer weather), will be a massive success.

After the race was run, as we were saying goodbyes to the other volunteers who helped, something strange happened.  It suddenly became a real 'goodbye'.  Leaving COS, I was aware of volunteers that I would most likely not see before my end of service, but those were volunteers I never really formed a relationship with.  Leaving Sheki, I was leaving volunteers that I am friends with and as we compared our schedules for the remaining two months, we realized its very likely we won't see each other before leaving the country.

Its like a repeat of two years ago, when, after getting dinner with friends, we realized that the goodbye being said wasn't just for the night, but potentially for the next couple years.  The first few times that happened, it was a pretty heady experience and after two years of building friendships, its been a similar surprise.

This realization transforms my service.  Truly its now the end of service phase.  Suddenly I'm thinking about how long its been since I've guested at my counterparts house and how I need to do that more frequently.  I'm figuring out how to best say goodbye to my school so that we'll part ways on the best of terms.  I'm realizing that those Azeri friends, who's calls I sometimes screen because I'm too tired, will soon enough no longer be able to call.

I still have plenty of opportunities in the next couple months to see friends all over the country.  I still have a camp to help with, a film festival to attend, and PSN training-all of which are happening in the next couple weeks.  Beyond that I have teacher trainings in three different cities, plus whatever miscellaneous events might pop up.  And each of these events will be accompanied by a comparing of schedules and realizing that 'hey! we're not going to see each other again!'.  I'm ready for these goodbyes.  What strikes me is how close I am to those conversations with my Azeri friends here in Khachmaz as well.

After an extremely self-involved (and needed) summer, fall will see me look towards the others who have made my life pretty good in Azerbaijan.  My American friends I'll see again.  It may be months or it may be years, but I can say I'll see Emily, Glendene, and Mercedes again with the same confidence I can say I'll see Nick, Margaret, or Evan again.  My Azerbaijani friends-well I don't know.  Before COS, there was no pressure to think about goodbyes.  Now, its all I can think about.

Beginnings and Questions

Looking for some direction? (photo by Evan Finn)

For those of you who don't know, I am a volunteer on Peer Support Network or PSN.  As a PSN member, volunteers call me up and speak, with full confidentiality, about whatever might be on their mind.  Whether about their latest success or their current low point, my main objective is to listen and validate the person on the phone.  Its a great service provided by all Peace Corps countries and I enjoy being involved in it.

So, why am I brining up this aspect of my Peace Corps service today?  Well, during our training to be PSNers we received information about the volunteer cycle of adjustment and vulnerability.  Almost all volunteers cycle through a semi-predictable pattern in their service, where they oscillate between feeling confident and well adjusted in their service and the culture to feeling anxious and vulnerable.

For much of 2012 we've been lucky enough to feel good about what we're doing.  We're in our second year and confident in our workspace.  Our secondary or passion projects are usually in full swing and we are comfortable with the cultural ties we've developed in our community.  However, all good things must end and our last four months of service are marked by a last swing into vulnerability.

From the conversations we have with one another, its fairly obvious to see.  There are concerns of what happens next and of what it will be like to leave the place we've called home, no matter how strange, for the last two years.  There are concerns about what it will be like to enter our American world of friendships and dating again-all of us have yearned for this for the last two years, but it can be a little intimidating to think about how much we may have missed.  We've all experienced a lot of personal growth here and there are concerns over what parts of our identity will transcend cultural mores and geographical borders and what parts were simply an 'Azerbaijani' aspect of ourselves.

These are the concerns that volunteers ending their service dissect with each other on the phone, on the bus, and on the floor.  In less than 3 months, on November 15th, I'll be heading back to America.  Every day, literally every single day, I wake up and am grateful that I am one day closer to that moment, which has for so long seemed so so far away.  But just like every end, it is followed by a beginning, and all beginnings have questions.

I know I'll be heading home for the holidays-I've been away too long and want to see my family and friends and dogs.  But I also want to eat chipotle burritos and avocados, drink PBR and Maker's Mark, and be told I'm pretty by men who's names I don't yet know.  I know that I'll be traveling to South East Asia after that, but for how long and to where exactly I'm still unsure.  I'm unsure of where I will live when I come back and what I'll do for money-I'm confident these answers will come, but they haven't yet, and the questions remain.

There's really no conclusion to this post, its open-ended.  When I came to Azerbaijan two years ago (as of September) I knew that for the next two years I would not have to worry about my food, my house, my health, or my job-all of those things would be provided for.  And that was pretty nice.  But that time has now passed and I'm thankful for that.  And all of us all-too-recent bleary-eyed, jet-lagged 8s must begin thinking about these questions again.  Which is also kind of nice.

It just makes us feel vulnerable.

Preparing For The Final Push

I'm looking over some notes made throughout the day of what to write about.  Summers are difficult when it comes to posts-there isn't a work schedule driving specific memories or emerging stories.  Instead, this note is populated by more mundane items: its super hot, its been a productive summer, hiding in my apartment, taking three showers a day.

Glamorous isn't it?

For a TEFL volunteer, August is a time of shifting towards newer projects.  About six months ago I wrote how the end of winter bears witness to an emergence from our cocoon and we begin to involve ourselves in projects and clubs again.  This seasonal phenomena repeats itself in August-first we hide from the extreme cold, now we cower from the extreme heat.  Our projects wane as the temperature falls too low or rises too high.  And currently, its been way too high.

But its now mid-August and I must prepare, both physically and mentally, for this final round of projects in September.  Its not like I need to get in shape for specific trainings-but the very act of getting into the habit again of leaving the house, walking to a meeting, perhaps leaving the house for two reasons even-all this is a rediscovery in a country with no air conditioning (and in a city with no clouds).

For the long summer, I've put off what must be done for September as a season away.  There will be time to select TED videos for our TEDx event, time to advertise our final three teacher trainings, time to develop the training for the new Peer Support Network volunteers.  Well, it turns out that August is halfway through, and that time is now.

This is unfortunate, because the weather is still explicitly summer, the air is still pregnant with humidity, and the movies on my hard drive are still mercifully devoid of required movement.  Frequently these past few months I've wished I had a video game system to play, but realize that would make me sweat too much (I sweat after 20 minutes of still meditation).  What can I say? I'm a sweaty guy.

Still, September comes.  And its good that its coming.  I've had a wonderfully lazy summer all to myself.  And while its been incredibly productive and eye-opening, its also has stirred less-than-pleasant feelings.  I feel bad that I never learned the language well enough to get to know all the people I have met, but I've also lived here long enough to realize there are a lot of people living here that I don't want to speak with much further.

I'm ready for some work to cleanse me of these feelings of guilt and resentment towards host country nationals.  Its nice that I get a couple months of work in before I leave.  Leaving while productive will be a final positive spin on my experience.

Hip-Hop From The Land Of Fire: A Souvenir To Myself

About a year ago I started posting Azerbaijani rap tracks on this blog.  I wanted to familiarize myself with Azerbaijani rap and I figured the best way to do that would be to post a track a week.  However, after almost 40 posts, I've run out of steam on this.  I still like many Azerbaijani artists but, just like in the US, most of what's released isn't that great and I found I was no longer proactively hunting down Azeri rappers.

What I'm trying to say is; this is the last regular post of Hip-Hop From The Land Of Fire.  But its a doozy.  Below is a 75 minute set of the best and brightest in Azerbaijani rap.  I figured this would be a fitting final flourish for this project, and it will probably end up being one of my favorite souvenirs from my time in Peace Corps.

I really hope you enjoy listening to this.  I certainly enjoyed making it, and listening, researching, and writing about these rappers for the past year.  Listen to it below, download it HERE.



Hip-Hop From The Land Of Fire Compilation Mix

1) H.O.S.T. - H.O.S.T.
2) Qaraqan - Qaraqan Qayitdi
3) A-Team - Mene Money
4) Xan ft. Kavkaz Clan - Imza
5) PRoMete - Sus
6) Capo ft. Baku Beat - Milk and Coffee
7) AiD ft. Ayka - Hisslǝr Danişanda
8) A-Team - Arzularimi Qirma
9) Uran - Maşin Yolu
10) Baku Beat - Ara Gunlǝr
11) Qurd - Rǝqs Edir Hǝr Kǝs
12) H.O.S.T. - Mǝni Qaytar
13) Uran - Saray Şarilǝri
14) Uran ft. Ramil - Zonda
15) Qaraqan - Validǝynlǝr
16) Caspian Clan ft. Baku Beat - True or Not True
17) Enemy - 23:44
18) Xan ft. Kavkaz Clan - Yağış Olaram
19) Burito - Vdox
20) Kavkaz Clan - Arzular
21) A-Team - Don't Fall Down