Hard questions

Goal number 1 of the Peace Corps is to promote cross cultural exchange. Usually this is of the 'smile and nod politely' kind, like when you are being served your 15th cup of tea. Other times it is of the 'I am learning' kind, like when someone opens up to you about why they liked the Soviet Union better. And once in a while it is of the 'holy crap, what the hell is happening here' kind. This week I had one of those experiences.

This story largely centers on my friend who is also my site mate. She was at our favorite doner shop getting lunch, when a gypsy girl came in to beg for money. Now, the gypsies are annoying, they get in your face, pull at your hand, and follow you for blocks, usually only leaving you alone when you forcefully tell them (Men pul yoxdur!) (tangentially, they surprisingly have good teeth). The man who prepared the doner yelled at her and grabbed her by the hair and aggressively shook her, yelling at her to get out. Pretty shocking stuff.

And in less time than it took you to read that paragraph my friend jumped up from the table and started shouting at the man to let go. She shouted at him in front of everyone in the store, in English, saying things like 'you can never do that' and 'she is only a child'. Apparently it got really intense and each was getting in each other's face. Quickly she went and got the owner to bring him there and explain what happened. It was at this moment that I cluelessly walked in (which has become an all too frequent script annotation in my life). Everyone was shaken, each for different reasons.

It are these moments that really challenge my values and perspectives. It's been extremely easy for me to maintain my middle class values of equality and tolerance and justice in the United States because they rarely are challenged beyond the abstract. Just like the Ivory Tower dilemma thrown at academia, there is a gulf of difference between theory and action.

After lots of though, I agree that my friend took the right action; regardless of cultural perspective or upbringing that was unacceptable behavior, and I admire her for taking immediate action to bluntly communicate that. Every Azeri woman she told this to also agreed with her actions. What freaks me out is the unknown if I would have reacted the same way.

This event slapped me in the face with the big difference between saying and doing and the really messy grey in between. I'm a pacifist but can I recognize, and do I have the courage to rise above, the line that separates this from compliance. I consider myself a cultural relativist but I certainly wouldn't want to become a nihilist through laziness of thought and action.

These are hard questions, especially for the post-structuralist volunteer who has difficulty believing in absolute truth. Finding an appropriate balance between cultural sensitivity and cultural assertiveness is difficult enough when you're trying to think of a way to refuse the third helping of dolma. What about when the situation actually matters? I want to think that with this case study situation under my belt I would now act in the same way, but I also hope I won't have to find out.