Februarys Are The Same Everywhere

I don't often look back over what I've written in my journal, its usually a mediation in the moment and my handwriting is bad enough to prevent much reflection on what was already done.  However, when searching for a topic on what to write about this week I thought it may be inspiring to see what I've been writing about over the past few weeks in hopes of gaining inspiration for ideas.

The thing is, its winter and these past couple weeks it's happened to be really really cold.  The city of Khachmaz broke two records this week-coldest day and longest span of coldest days in a row, meaning we actually continued to break the coldest day record day after day after day.  Actually, all over the country PCVs (and Azeris) are getting a taste of what a bad winter week can be like in a developing country.  Most people are without water (my friend's pipes haven't been unfrozen for over 10 days), electricity is spotty in some areas, and some places are having to ration gas due to it being so cold and concern over demand.

Back to the journal, much of my journal is filled with concerns over winter seclusion, introversion, and guilt.  During these months volunteers repeatedly tell themselves 'I should be out there making a difference,' 'I should be holding more clubs,' and 'I should really get out of this sleeping bag at least once today'.  But its hard to stay motivated when you hold a conversation club that only one person shows up to, and you end up canceling midway through because you both just want to go home.

Last year at this time I excitedly wrote about my success in using my minimal Azeri to order a camera charger (which-by the way-was never ordered).  Just like the toddler no longer thrilled by their parent's 'peek-a-boo,' a year makes a big difference, and the successful (or perceived success) of purchasing one item doesn't motivate me for the week.  Right now, there are no camps nor softball games to get excited about; my biggest accomplishments this week were finishing Season 1 of Game of Thrones and The OCD Project, not exactly something I'll be advertising to my Country Director during a close of service interview.

But its not hopeless, the end of winter isn't in sight, but 29 years of experience tells me that February ends.  Written these past few weeks are also anticipations and excitements for the future, for those projects that come, come the months that bring spring.  And these projects all have boring prep that must be done before they can even begin, just how the boring depths of winter must be survived before the trees can bud.  Camp occurs months from now, but my Azeri counterpart and I have already begun meeting to plan and organize how we will expand it to two more cities in surrounding regions.  Training of trainer sessions for Azerbaijani English Teachers won't begin for a while, but it wouldn't happen at all unless the time was taken this week to submit the grant.  And as much as I want this trip to Turkey to get here, there is also a need to submit vacation requests and purchase airline tickets.

So, though there is nothing much to report on as having happened, there is a lot happening to ensure that I will soon have something to report.  And screw it, tearing through Game of Thrones is something to be proud of.