2 Years Of Posts Part 5: Keeping Perspective On What Was Accopmlished

This is the 5th and final part in a series looking back on two years of blog posts in Azerbaijan.  Check out the entire set of posts; Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Who's having a good time?

Thoughts On A Second Year, Posted July 15th, 2012

And as dramatically as enthusiasm may fall in the first year, confidence builds in the second year.  Almost everything I do or think about now, is accompanied by the though 'I'm so glad I'm in my second year'.  Second year volunteers have a level of confidence and competence that simply are not possible first year.  I've put in my time, paid my dues, and finally the azerbaijani cultural monkey is off my back.  I can sit at ease at dinner knowing how to toast, how to eat my rice, how to eat bosbosh.  I'm no longer looking for visual cues in this culture but I can move relatively effortlessly within it.

This post refers to a mantra that was oft repeated in the second year; 'I'm so glad I'm in my second year'. I didn't repeat this for comfort or stability, it wasn't a consciously called up thought-it simply came to the forefront of my mind during various daily activities.  They could be as mundane as heading to school or brushing my teeth, or it might arise during something more significant like traveling to another region for a training or meeting with the ExCom.  But it was always there, ready to reassure me.

I don't really think that as much at this point.  I'm too close to leaving to be comparing my current year to my first year.  For the past month, most of my thoughts have been focused on how glad I am to get out of this country and culture.  Right now, November 15th doesn't just mark a date of achievement, it also marks a jailbreak, an escape from a culture that has been a great source of frustration and exacerbation.

In these last few weeks I've actually become resentful towards Azerbaijan for standing in between me and getting home.  Its not really fair and its also to be expected-its been a long two years, and though they've been two really good and productive years, they have also been two difficult and unfamiliar years.  This was a great post for me to reread as I do those final preparations that only occur when you are mere days away from making a big move.

It was nice to be reminded that what I'm feeling now isn't the theme of my service, and probably won't be the feelings that will be called up as I look back upon my service once back in America.  Just because I'm mentally ready to leave now doesn't mean that I've been ready to leave for the entire duration of my service.  Rather, I'll recall the confidence I felt when navigating this culture, and the hard won ease I felt living in Azerbaijan.

And that will be incredibly satisfying.