Azerbaijan, You Will Be Missed

Bye Ilhem and Heydar, I'll miss seeing you all over the place.

Today is my last day in Khachmaz, and tomorrow I will heading to Baku for the last time.  On November 16th, only 5 days away, I'll be flying from Baku to Dallas, after successfully completing two years of Peace Corps service.  There are a lot of emotions going on right now, a bit of fear, a bit of sadness, some giddiness, and some relief.  But mostly there is an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction; the kind that only comes upon the successful accomplishment of a large and long project.

I'd like to share some things that I will especially miss in Azerbaijan.  Writing this now feels a little strange, I'm too close to Azerbaijan at this moment to truly know what it is I will recall in the coming years.  I know I'll be happy about it, but those aspects I take away from the Azerbaijani culture and the many Azerbaijanis who I've shared my 2 years with will probably change as the weeks and months go by.  But as I ready myself to depart and reflect on what has been, this is what comes to my mind now.

I will miss is the guesting experience.  Guesting is a strong tradition in Azerbaijan and the best way to experience its culture.  More than a dinner party, guesting is like a feast held in your honor.   There are multiple courses brought out and the table is overwhelmed with food.  It is rarely possible for a group of people to finish the food set before them; indeed if that was the case it would indicate that the host didn't prepare enough.  I really enjoyed going to my friends' houses knowing that I would be feasted, as if a new thanksgiving was only a phone call away.

I enjoyed the sense of community in Azerbaijan.  This cut both ways, and to an American who is used to anonymity, this can be maddening.  But more frequently Azerbaijan shows itself closer to the ideal neighborhood that families hope for in America.  Your community is involved in your life, and ensures you are never simply a face in the crowd.  You are their brother's friend, or daughter's teacher, or the friend of a friend of their brother-in-law.  No matter the degrees of separation between two people meeting each other, a chain of connections is found to form a relationship.

I will miss the sense of time here.  Already I can foresee the days in my life when I wish I could be back in Azerbaijan and have the ability to enjoy space in my day, rather than meeting planned upon meeting.  I like the fact that time is given to complete a task, rather than finishing a task based upon an arbitrary deadline.  Oftentimes this means far more socializing and relationship building, and sometimes it even results in never finishing the task, but it strengthen bonds and passes the time enjoyably.

Khachmaz has been very welcoming to me, and I will miss that.  Once I go back to the US I will simply be another American, but here in Khachmaz-I'm a big deal.  I will miss making the assumption that everyone recognizes me and probably wants to know me.  I will miss the fact that I can more easily initiate conversation here because, most likely, they have been wanting to talk with me for a long time.  I will miss the fact that me entering into a teahouse, or a wedding, or a shop can be quite the event and people are excited to learn my name and want me to come back.  This is a bit self-absorbed, but its nice to feel a little famous and special in a community, its nice to be the coolest kid in school.

Two years is a long time and I've documented it on a weekly basis.  Contained in these archives are posts that brim with excitement, struggle with anxiety, and, at times, grapple with frustration.  This is life.  But overwhelmingly I am pleased with what I accomplished in the last two years and grateful to those Azerbaijanis who have been a part of my life.  I will not forget those friends I've made nor my time here.

(Many of you have been asking about what is next-a huge, but reasonable, question.  I appreciate your interest and plan on sending an update later this week.)