22 years a man does not make

In my host family, there are three adult children. Two women are married and out of the house. The youngest, Elşan, is a young man of 22 years but acts, and is treated, far more like a boy and the baby of the family. He declares himself right and others (me) wrong with the confidence of a 14 year old and demands attention from his mother similar to one younger than that. Though closer in age to me I continued to feel more and more that we had very little in common.

The Azeri men I have most actively enjoyed the company of tend to be older than me, in their 30s and have families. This past weekend I spent a good 4+ hours talking with my host sister's husband, Tehran, about everything ranging from operating systems to religion, from career movement to his kid's judo lessons. Elşan would drift in and out of the room and Tehran never really made an effort to include him. If he did it was usually in a way adults might address a young teenager, not as a young man.

In AZB there is not much of a spectrum between youth and adult. In the US, we see varying degrees of responsibility granted as we become older which help develop our maturity. We may go away to college, start to pay our own bills, move out of the house, etc. In the United States adults will ask for adolescents' opinions or include them in discussions to help 'train' them to be an adult themselves. In AZB one is considered a child basically until one is married, even if you have a full time job and are contributing to the household budget. Even at 25 my LCF confirmed she is still considered a child in her family and addressed as one.

This realization has helped me in a few ways. Since arriving to my host family i've been placing undue pressure upon myself in forming a relationship with Elşan. As he is relatively close to my age I've been looking at my relationship with him as representative of my ability to form relationships with those in my community who are not my students. It's been a relief to release myself from this pressure, recognizing that similarity in years lived is in no way a basis for a relationship.